I wanted to take a moment and wish you all the best for the New Year. I hope that all of you had a good holiday. Realistically I know it has likely been a difficult time for most of you.As we enter the New Year, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my own life, and how far I've come ... how far my marriage has come. In 2000, really a mere 8 years ago, I never in a million years would have believed that my life could be so good, that I would ever be as happy and blessed as I am today. I share this to give all of you hope.
Many of you think, I'm extra special, extra strong, extra forgiving or something. I'm not. What I have managed to achieve of happiness, any of you can achieve.
"A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."
I'm not minimizing the time it takes to heal from affairs. You do have to grieve your loss,be angry, be sad, and go through the process to heal, but if you apply yourself to the process with an unstoppable will to get beyond this and get your life back, you can heal, be happy again, and even create the life you want for yourself.
I use the word "create" the life for yourself, to share with you one of my personal secrets to getting beyond the pain. The secret is CHOOSING to see myself as a victor in life instead of as a victim. I know we are "victims" of the affair, and we didn't deserve for this to happen to us, but we don't need to stay in victim mode.
A victor in life believes "I create my life." A victim believes "Life happens to me." Basically that some people are lucky and some people are unlucky and where we are in life is merely a matter of chance. The problem with viewing life this way is it's pretty darn depressing.
We are not in control of things that happen to us necessarily, although our attitudes and thoughts will certainly have some bearing on that, but we are totally in control of the way we choose to react to the circumstances that come into our lives.
Over Christmas, I took some time to read a book for fun ... not another book on affairs and relationships, like I'm usually always reading, and I read the book "The Secret."
I know the book is controversial, but most of the life principles presented in the book are ones I agree with and live by, and they are biblical which may concern some of you. (most are biblical - not all.)
Here's a synopsis of the secret as I see it.
1. Whatever you are thinking about all the time will have a tendency to eventually become reality in your life.
"As a man thinks in his heart, so is he."
Henry Ford is quoted as saying "Both he who says he can, and he who says he can't are right."
If you think you'll never have a real loving marriage, you probably won't, if you think you'll never get a good job, you probably won't, if you think no one will like you, you'll probably put off negative vibes and many people won't.
However, if you can dream the future life you want, write it down, start thinking about it, that's the first step to "attracting" that kind of life to you.
2. ASK for what you want.
"You have not because you ask not."
BELIEVE that you are going to have what you want (often a trickier part)
"Ask and you shall receive that your joy may be full."
"Faith is the substance of things hoped for and yet not seen."
And the last part of this step is to actually RECEIVE. Some of us really have a difficult time with this. We see ourselves as not worthy of having good things in our lives and when they come to us we subconsciously sabotage ourselves from receiving it.
3. Have a grateful heart. Be thankful for what you do have.
This is just a brief synopsis, and of course many of us may even have differing views on this... you are extra special to me and I wanted to give you something of value to start your new year with.
I recommend closing your eyes and being quiet for some moments. Imagine the way you
want your life to be. Create it in your mind. Be detailed. Imagine you are living that life. How do you feel? what do you see? Then write it all down.
Then write another list. Sit down and think about all the things you are thankful for that you do have now.
May 2008 be an amazing year of healing and blessings for all of you.
Sincerely - Anne Bercht
PS - I'm typing this email from Malaysia. I will be traveling until Jan. 27. I plan to stay in touch as usual while doing so, but just wanted you to know in case I don't respond within 24 hours ... which is the standard I aim for.
